It’s Wednesday! And Wednesday’s are for fertility!

Two years ago back in May of 2021, I took a spontaneous trip to North Carolina to visit two of my favorite humans whose names both happen to start with K. While there we had numerous emotional heart to heart conversations about the trials of life. The trip was to surprise one friend who was having a particularly hard time, and to visit the other who fortuitously lived about forty minutes away from the first.

With one fabulous best friend we discussed some pretty tough and deeply personal things causing her to spiral downward. She mentioned how scary it is sometimes to raise children in a less than mentally stable world, where things could threaten the lives of her children. We also talked about managing large age gaps among children and how to teach and entertain both a toddler and a pre-teen. The final conversation that stuck with me during that week is her ‘mom’ guilt of having one child with some serious issues and the other that was perfectly healthy with nearly zero health issues. As her children grow, she wonders how she will explain why the healthy child can do activities that the other cannot. It’s completely unfair.

Both times she easily sustained the pregnancies. Both pregnancies were seemingly without complications. Except during the first pregnancy this amazing woman listened to a substantial prompting to move near family instead of staying a few states away. Heeding this message not only saved her first kid’s life, but also gave the young couple a better support system of family and friends close by when health procedures frequently abounded over the next few years. My point is even once the fertility issues are resolved it doesn’t mean the raising of said children or the living factors are resolved.

My other wonderful friend and her husband had a devastating time n regards to children, followed by hopeful good news all within her first twelve months of marriage. Less than seven months into marriage they announced the terrible heartbreak that their premature twins stayed on earth for only fleeting moments, before like a thief in the night were snatched by death. At about 24 weeks into a pregnancy where these parents were doing everything right were suddenly bombarded with this great tragedy because this dear friend went into labor prematurely. I remember right when I learned of this terrible time in their lives, a couple months later they were pregnant again with their now eight year old. And by the time I visited in May of 2021, also had an adorable two year old who just happens to have my first name as her middle name (which I feel truly honored by).

Our conversations leaned more to the side of everyone’s fertility journey is different and no one can truly understand another’s experience unless they lived the specifics of it personally. We all knew people who had miscarried fairly far along, lost an infant or a young child, in this friends case had lost her tiny twins at birth, stillborn babies, those like me who were unable to even get pregnant several years into marriage, people who easily get pregnant, but then their child struggle with disabilities or health problems from birth. No one’s baby journey is easy, and no one’s journey is the same.

Now for those pesky fertility stats

• If 1 in 8 couples struggle to get pregnant in the first place. And In 2022 the United States had approximately 252.22 million adults, 61.44 million married couples (not to mention the couples in committed relationships who are also trying for kids). Around 45 million of those adults are women between the ages of 20-39 which is usually their most fertile years. Using ratios and math I figure about 22 million of those 45 million females are married. Now back to using the 1 in 8 rule means there are around 2.75 million couples who are or have struggled to get pregnant. While that is not an insignificant number, Brent and I still don’t love being in that group.
• Miscarriages – I used to only hear the 1 in 4 pregnancies end in a miscarriage, but thankfully as of February of 2023 the new stat is 10-20%, with 80% of those occurring before 12 weeks.
• Natural Fertility according to fertilityanswers.com and my fertility OBGYN is only about 20%. Meaning 1 in 5 attempts at conceiving in a given cycle for a healthy fertile person, under optimal conditions (intimacy during ovulation) results in pregnancy
• IUIs increase that 20% to 21-25% each cycle as a fertility clinic can eliminate some of the unknowns (motility, hormone levels, etc).
• IVF increases the odds of conception and on-going pregnancy from 20% to around 60-65% success.
• Fertility medications like letrozole or clomid can add around 10-19% to a woman’s chances of conceiving.
• Getting pregnant with twins while on fertility meds is about 1 in 20 pregnancies or between 5-12% of the time.
• Who is to blame for infertility – all parties!! (30% female attributed infertility, 30% male, 30% combination, and 10% unexplained infertility.)
• 35% of women’s infertility is damaged fallopian tubes
• 25% is due to ovulation issues – ovulating late, irregular cycles, not ovulating at all.
• Weight-loss can greatly improve ovulation and success of fertility treatments, and decrease the chance of miscarriage
• Sperm count below 10 million is poor, 10-40 million is average, and above 40 million is good.
• Less than 3% of infertility patients need, IVF [which is still around 82.5 thousand] (see notes below)
• One cycle of IVF in the United States costs between $8,000-$20,000 for the egg retrival portion and $3,000-$8000 for fertility medications and $3500 – $6,000 per embryo testing. It is believed many couples spend close-to $50,000 by the end of it all.
• Various conditions contribute to infertility in both men and women – cancer, PCOS, hormone imbalances, motility, irregular cycles, diabetes, CF, autoimmune conditions, obesity, endometriosis, and more.

IVF NOTES: Though only 3% of those who struggle with fertility need IVF, after 10 years of figuring fertility things out, we may indeed fall in that 3%. Wish us luck! I would absolutely love for a vitamin or magic medication to fix things like it has for some of our friends, however that definitely won’t be the case for us, because of male infertility.

On another completely different comment on announcements!

I am convinced there are two timelines for announcing pregnancy. The moment the stick turns pink at 3-5 weeks pregnant & from the delivery room. Of course there are some in-between, but lately I feel that my facebook feed is filled with either new babies who were being announced for the first time with their welcome to the world pictures, or just a pregnancy test. I worry sometimes about those people who announce publicly before twelve weeks. It’s another one of those hold your breath moments until early announcers hit their second trimester.

As far as my fertility currently stands. All my tests have come back normal over the past several months – hormones, lady parts, bloodwork, etc. My OB has high hopes for our future. Those who relate to any aspect of the above stories, mentioned statistics, or this rollercoaster of emotions called fertility my heart goes out to you. Hang in there, especially if you are in the messy middle of this hellish journey. Remember no matter how rough today was concerning growing your family you will be okay. Start again tomorrow and hopefully find better baby news the next day! Additionally, if you ever need to vent about fertility to someone who gets it feel free to reach out. I’m optimistic 2024 will mean the Summer’s home will have more than zero babies, or at least one on the way!!